Early Days: Turning Families Into School Champions

I have two friends whose children started at new independent schools this fall.  The tuition at both schools is about the same.  They are within 10 miles of one another. But they are many miles apart in how they develop relationships with new families.   

One school has the child and the family feeling cared for, excited, and sure they chose the right school. The school year had not even started and they were already school champions.

During this same period, another friend was having a very different experience.  They started the school year with reserve.  There was hope that once the school year started, things would get better, but alas, they have not.  This family is trying to make the best of things, but now they aren’t sure they made a good choice.

Family number one is already feeling a high sense of trust, a clear sense of welcome and belonging, and confidence in the faculty and leadership.  Whereas family number two does not yet feel connected to the community, nor do they feel they know or have confidence in the faculty or leadership.  Likely, at some point, something will go awry for both families.  Family number one is primed to give the school the benefit of the doubt.  For family number two, not so much.  In fact, family number two is building a list of concerns that undermines their faith in the institution.

So how did each school get to this point?

It started back in the application and enrollment cycle.  For school number one, the family felt known during the enrollment cycle and once admitted, communications and events were designed to help the child – and the family – feel deeply wanted.  Open houses and return day visits were thoughtfully designed for both child and parents/caregivers to help them understand the values, the support, and the opportunities that were within reach.  The experiences were designed to be both highly personalized and at the same time let the student and family know that they were part of something bigger.  

Faculty warmly invited admitted students into their classrooms.  Every adult school leader was part of these event days and collectively, conveyed to families that the leadership team was impressive, enthusiastic, and aligned.  Student leaders also played a key role in these days, and they drove home the notion that this was a community where adults and students worked together for common ends.  Somehow adults and students were able to make prospective families feel some version of Durkheim’s collective effervescence.  

School number two had a couple of revisit days, but they weren’t designed particularly well for either child or parent/caregivers. The devil is in the details and the details did not seem as important to school number two as school number one.  There was a bit of a feeling that school number two was ticking off boxes – of going through the motions – rather than playing to win.  The facade was there.  Balloons.  Welcome signs.  Nice name tags.  But something was missing.  Admitted students showed up to visit classes and some teachers conveyed tolerance for the visitor rather than warmth. There was no sense of an adult leadership team as a team, though individual school leaders were present and welcoming.  Individual students were pleasant, but overall the day seemed a tad stale.  

I was getting blow by blow accounts of the experiences of each family and all along the way was seeing the differences. Family number two very much wanted out of the local public school, only applied to one school, and they had nothing to compare the experience to.  They thought these open house and revisit experiences were fine, but then they had nothing to compare them to.

After both families committed to their institutions, the differences between the two schools continued.  Family number one received substantive e-mails over the summer that were personalized – and from an individual person who introduced themselves not only with what they did at the school, but a bit about where they were from, why they were drawn to education, and what they enjoyed doing outside of school.  The individuals who wrote – from advisor to class dean –  provided lots of ways that a student or a parent/caregiver could find a connection either from shared interests or having grown up in the same area of the country.  The point was to provide bridges over which to connect.  These communications also conveyed logistical information and reminders, but at the same time passed along institutional stories and history.  They read like notes from a friend who was clearly getting prepared for your arrival and conveyed excitement that you would soon be joining the community. And speaking of notes, about ten days before school started, my friend’s child received a handwritten note in the mail from her advisor.  US Postal service mail. This child was absolutely delighted that she had received real mail and that someone at her new school was thinking about her.  The card clearly sent the message that you won’t be a number with us.

School number two sent reminders over the summer.  Billing.  Health form completion.  Testing dates.  The nuts and bolts to get the school year started were conveyed.  There was a generalized welcome from the head, but little else.  For a school that touted it was all about the special community, it felt somewhat bureaucratic.  

The advisor sent out a letter that consolidated information from dining services, learning services, athletics, the health center, the business office, and so on.  The advisor explained how each of these departments played a role, contact information for each, and if the family ran into any challenges to reach out to the advisor for help.  The level of coordination and organization was incredibly reassuring.

School number two sent out separate e-mails from each of these departments, so the family’s in-box was flooded.  There was no navigator to help.

Families who leave your school start developing a list of concerns early and by the time they start articulating them, they are halfway out the door.  Now is the time for new student and family interviews, check ins, and making sure every family and student feels known, wanted, and celebrated.