Some school leaders believe their job is to promote harmony and to that end have named “promote positivity” as one of their core values. Harmony is something most of us crave, so it’s natural that a belief that staying focused on the positive would increase the chances that harmony will engulf our hallways. But like many things, too much of a good thing is not good at all. Too much of a focus on positivity can result in toxic positivity and a culture of what Patrick Lencioni calls “artificial harmony”, one of five dysfunctions of a team from Lencioni’s classic book of the same name.
Sometimes, these super positive types are school leaders who remind colleagues that “we” need to look on the plus side. These leaders avoid conflict and they rob their teams of the ability to build the necessary muscles to develop conflict competency. When teams do not know how to manage conflict, they suppress it or ignore it, but it’s akin to burying toxic chemicals: eventually they will pollute the entire place. My colleague, David Torcoletti, has a vivid description of schools that suffer from artificial harmony. He finds them riddled with “islands of resentment” that fester and grow month after month, and school year after school year.
Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction, especially in dynamic environments like schools. We need to embrace conflict as a normal and even necessary part of school life. This shift in mindset allows us to transform "difficult" conversations into "meaningful" ones.
I like how Brene Brown approaches difficult conversations. Instead of hovering in someone’s doorway and saying, “I’ve got something serious to talk with you about,” she instead says, "We need to rumble." It’s a bit playful and goofy and it conveys that the topic is important. If you’ve shared the “let’s rumble” notion with your staff, the expectation is that you’ll both show up with a “commitment to lean into vulnerability, stay curious and generous” and “to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving.” (From personal experience, the first few times you approach colleagues telling them you need to rumble feels ridiculous and because of that you both smile. It breaks the ice and it makes beginning the conversation much easier.)
As we start this new school year, I hope leaders will embrace conflict as a powerful tool for growth and positive change. By doing so, they can create school environments where everyone feels heard, valued, and empowered to contribute their best ideas, even when they challenge the status quo.
A school that can navigate conflict effectively is a school that can adapt, innovate, and thrive in an ever-changing educational landscape. If you haven’t done it before, this could be the year that you turn conflict into your ally, not your enemy.